He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
