You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
