Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
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