i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
