At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
