You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
