its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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