i think my tv is drunk
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize