my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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