I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
