do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
