She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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