Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
