my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I supernannyed him into submission
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
