i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
