I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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