Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
So squirting runs in the family.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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