dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
