why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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