how do flat chested girls get laid?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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