he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
