U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
