Just fell off a train. Bad.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
