I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
