he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
