He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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