Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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