don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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