i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
