i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I just googled if crying burns calories
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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