Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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