there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
