whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Randomize
