Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
