You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
