It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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