fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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