I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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