My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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