the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
