you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
