we're chasing vodka with high fives
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
