I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
