Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
