I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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