Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
