There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
