Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
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