your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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