my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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