I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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