3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
