Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
