Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
operation have a gay friend backfired
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Randomize
