If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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