This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
