I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
