Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
