I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Randomize
