We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
