the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
you had me at cake vodka
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
