everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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