i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
