They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
