guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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