I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
