Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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